As I sit here trying to be comforted by good music the tears still stream down my face. I am in shock that today now marks the day that I lost my dad. I can't believe it. So here I write to get this all out of my head. It's 6:00 am and Mike is out of town. So I sit here in the quiet of my house. Kids are still in bed. I don't really know how to tell them that they lost their Papa today. It makes me so sad that Aubree will be one tomorrow and will never remember him. I hope Spencer will kind of remember. I think this is the first time I have ever wanted the kids to wake up early. I just need someone to hug! Grandma and Papa left for Africa a couple weeks ago and were suppose to be back tomorrow. I wish I could have seen him come home.

My heart aches for my mom.

6:30 I decided to go wake up Kaylee. Then the phone rang it was Pam, then it rang again it was Sheri. 6:45 I heard little foot steps, it was Kaylee. We just laid on the couch and cried together. She was so sad. But it was nice to have someone to hug and cry with. She takes after her mama...she has a tender heart. By 7 Spencer came down, I knew he wouldn't understand. I just told him we wouldn't get to see Bultez Papa, he went to live with Jesus in Heaven and then the 3 of us cuddled til Jake came down. Jake took it hard too. Not as hard as Kay, but he was upset. Then the 4 of us laid on the couch together until around 7:30.

Aubrees awake now, its good to have her smiling spirit awake. But I just need Mike...